Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The D word (Death)

My first experience was with my grandfather in 1999.  I was 13 almost 14 and I didn't really understand what all had gone on with granddaddy Garner.  I knew he had Cancer and I knew he had lost his battle with that but it wasn't years, and I mean years later till I found out how bad it really was for him.  Granddaddy Garner was great.  He loved his wife and children and LOVED his grandchildren.  He fought a hard battle and my momma was trooper through the whole thing.  She and her siblings were there to help Grandma Garner do everything and take care of him.  He was a good man and led an amazing life and left us with great memories.  I have no doubt he is enjoying his eternal reward.   

Then the next closest hit was Papa in March of this year (I know others died in between those but these hit closest to home) and that was so real to me and it was then that I thought I really understood about death.  It was real.  It was hard.  But in the end it was so much better for Papa.  He fought a hard battle for a long time and he went peacefully, and left us with wonderful memories to reflect on. Daddy was the only boy and he and his sisters spent as much time as they could down there and helping Nana with everything. I have no doubt Papa and Granddaddy are talking about everything and loving every bit of the reward they both worked so hard for.  I thought that had prepared me for death.

Then within the past 2 months a guy that was a year older than me lost his battle with cancer, one of my best friends from college lost her sis/mom to a 9 year battle with breast cancer, and just today a woman that was a great friend of the family finally gained her heavenly reward after a horrible fight with cancer. 

Death is real.  It is heartbreaking.  It is so hard to understand.  But I feel like it is surrounding me right now. 

It is really hard to grasp the reality of death. I know we all "know" we are going to die but we all get caught up sometimes in living like we don't think we are going to die.  My heart is breaking for my sweet Super and Jon and TL and their whole family dealing with the death of Sis.  Her faith was amazing and she was the most positive person I have ever met and she loved everyone.  Mrs. Barbara Cozart was a wonderful woman.  She was "good people" as I would like to refer to people who just were amazing.  In the past year or so every time we would see her she would always have a smile on her face even though I knew she was fighting inside.  She was just happy to be alive.  She was happy to be with her friends and family.  But even as happy as these two were they were ready.  They knew they had something better to look forward to.  So as I sit here with tears in my eyes I am thankful knowing there is something better and that we have the ultimate Healer and Comforter.  As hard as it was to lost my grandfathers I can't imagine how hard it was to watch Our Father willingly give His Son to die to save us. As sad as I am today for the loss of these lives on earth I am so thankful they have gained their heavenly reward and that I know I will see them again one day. 

P. S. Sorry to make my first blog back so sad and serious just a lot that I needed to get out and everyone doesn't always like to hear someone say all this and I wouldn't be able to say most of it due to tears so just bear with my scrambled thoughts.  I will have a sweet fun post coming soon! :)

Monday, March 3, 2014

My Sweet Sweet Ellie

I just have to take a moment and really take it all in.  This week is the lectureships at Faulkner and Momma and Daddy always come.  Daddy always comes to see me to do the lectures and mom is Louise's savior this week and helps her :) Today Daddy brought Ellie with him to chapel.  She of course fell asleep but I just kept looking at her a just taking in how little she used to be and how grown she is now.  She woke up after chapel on the way back to my office and she was just talking to us.  In my office is a birthday balloon that I am almost positive her and her Momma brought me 2 birthdays ago! She wanted to have it and Daddy and I told her no it wasn't her birthday and she without even thinking responded, "But I will have another birthday and Wee-Wee I will be 4!" She then holds up her four fingers and counts each one of them! I am sure everyone's kids are this smart but y'all I just couldn't be more proud of her! Louise and Dirt (and everyone really) works with her on a daily basis quizzing her over something and she is taking it all in! As you can tell I am going through a "I miss Ellie being little but I am loving her age right now" moment.  I know I will feel the same about Ethan, Hayes and sweet baby shamrock but right now I just can't believe Ellie is so big.  

Ellie and I at a basketball game :)

Seriously this kid is funny.  She is 3 going on 13!!  Sassy as can be! 

This picture just warms my heart but at the same time breaks it knowing she is just not far from school....(This is a high school yearbook ad picture if I have ever seen one!)

She wanted to dress herself to go help Lolo and the boys! 

Manthy took her to get another balloon since hers popped.  Why does she look so grown up she would really love for Samantha to hurry up! 

This is a pic collage from waiting outside at Red Lobster and she wanted to take pictures on my phone....she is a hot mess poor child.  She has no personality can you tell? :)

Just messing around at a basketball game! We have a pep band that plays at the games and she LOVES them :) She will dance (white girl dancing for sure!) every time the band plays.  She absolutely loves it! 

I love this kid and I can't wait to make memories with Ethan, Hayes and baby Shamrock like these :) My cup overflows.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Words Matter

So things have been stressful the past couple of months.  So extremely stressful! I have felt like I was on a roller coaster of emotions, and before you ask, NO I am not pregnant I can assure you! :) I have just felt like everything in my life has been a bit more stressful that I have been used to! I have had a lot of people ask if I was ok or why I seem so sad recently and honestly I just have felt in a valley.  So I decided that I was just going to get out of regardless of what it took! But in the midst of my bad months weeks days I have been really hateful and hurtful with my words.  It is my downfall big time! And trust me I am ever so gently reminded by my loving sisters that I need to work on it.  So I say all that to say this post was on one of the blogs I follow and I thought it couldn't hit any closer to home.

Here is the link to read her blog:
Words Matter